Conscious Kitchen Radio

I was recently a guest on Conscious Kitchen Radio with the wonderful Dr. Nikki, and I left that conversation feeling so full — because that’s what happens when two people who genuinely care about this work get to sit down together and go deep. We talked about self-love not as a buzzword or a bubble bath moment, but as a daily practice, a verb, a choice you make over and over again in how you speak to yourself and show up in the world. Below you’ll find the key themes we explored, a link to the full episode, and the complete transcript.

Dr. Nikki and I met in the most organic way — as friends who just kept bringing each other back to the same north star. And so when we sat down to record this, it felt less like an interview and more like one of those conversations that lingers with you for days. We covered everything from the neuroscience of negative self-talk to the mantras I say to myself every morning and night, and why worthiness — real worthiness, not the earned kind — is at the root of so much of the work I do with my clients.

If you’ve ever felt like you were trying to fill a leaky bucket by seeking validation outside yourself, or like there were parts of you that you just couldn’t quite bring yourself to love, this one is for you.

Topics Covered

• The science behind self-talk — Why the brain registers negative comments with five times the weight of positive ones, and what that means for how we speak to ourselves and the people we lead
• Mantras as a daily practice — The specific morning and evening mantras I use to rewrite old stories, including the one about worthiness that continues to be a growing edge for me
• Self-love as empowerment — How expressing your needs, desires, and boundaries isn’t selfish — it’s actually how you stop making people read your mind and start co-creating better relationships
• Autonomy, belonging, and competence — The three core motivators that drive every human being, and how understanding which one is most absent for someone changes everything about how you lead or support them

Listen Now

Listen to the full conversation below, or click here to listen on Spotify.

Full Transcript

Dr. Nikki: Welcome back my loves, I am so excited to introduce you to one of my favorite people, Erin. You are just such a magical beautiful woman inside and out you ooze this like feminine grace in the way you show up, in the way you present yourself, in the way you show up as a friend. You are just so supportive and loving and every time I turn to you for advice I know I’m just gonna get this like warm hug of an embrace no matter what I share with you I can trust that your guidance is going to be rooted in loving self-love, right? And you you always naturally bring me back to self-love so it’s so automatic and obvious that you would be working and supporting your clients in self-love because that’s what you do.

Erin Warner: Thank you Nikki, thank you so much. I just want to say equally as a friend that you meet me there and you you inspire me and call me forth to be my best self because you’re such an amazing powerful loving woman yourself. So I’m glad we found each other and they to be that for each other. Yeah, yeah. I started naturally shouting from the rooftops about self-love among my friend group. I was just so excited about how it had transformed my life and I wanted to share it with people and that did eventually little by little lead to me wanting to share it also outside of my friend group more widely and so that’s the adventure that I’ve embarked on now.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah I get it. It’s so funny because I’ve been working on this like personal development, I’ve been living in the self-help section of the library since I was in my teens… and it if I really look back at it the whole mission is to get back to self-love. How do I love myself more because we’ve been conditioned and domesticated if you will out of our true essence and our true nature has been shunned or shamed or right? And so we’re we’re detached in a way through conditioning from who we innately are and how we want to show up in the world. And so we’ve been taught to not love the parts of ourselves you know even the angry part of ourselves or the you know the sad part like stop crying is what I was always taught right?

Erin Warner: Yeah I wasn’t… no fault or shame to my mother she was doing the best she could but like you know she wasn’t taught how to navigate emotions and so when mine came up it was like stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry and I was always like yeah it gets passed on. Yeah you know unfortunately there’s the collective consciousness is being raised and evolving and we get to be part of that and pass on new things both to reparent ourselves and to those around us. But I also I thought I loved myself because there are parts of myself that are very lovable, get a lot of validation and I was like yeah I loved myself. I loved those parts of myself but there were so many parts of myself that I wasn’t loving and it’s not easy and it’s a little bit scary but it’s also so so liberating once you do that. Yeah but I also didn’t even relate to the word self-love initially I didn’t know that’s what I was looking for I was just looking for feeling different like I was just feeling dull and worn out and kind of invisible and like not being appreciated for what I thought like I was trying so hard to please people and to make people happy and to get affirmation and validation and it just was like trying to fill a leaky bucket like it was never just nothing it was never enough and like that became exhausting. And so I started doing self-healing self-help development work and all this stuff and then eventually looking back I realized oh this has all been about self-love and then I decided to claim that word because it really resonated with that hindsight and because I think it’s a very misunderstood word and kind of people like it’s a little cringe to some people and people like kind of dilute it and I was like actually it’s everything. And so I don’t know I just made the decision to just claim the word self-love and like that’s what it is all about and show though that it’s not just fluffy like love is a verb.

Dr. Nikki: Mhm.

Erin Warner: It’s a choice you make every day… Right. And it’s actions and behaviors in the world in the way you express yourself in the way you interact with people and it really can then change your entire reality by making new choices that are self-loving and helps you love other people better too.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah. You know it’s coming to mind a simple act and and also a point to notice is like when you look in the mirror when I looked in the mirror the what I saw was dimples on my ass right? Like and I go right to the flaw like hone in on that one thing instead of seeing this great butt that I got right? And I go right to it. And what I what I strongly believe is that’s literally sending an energetic dagger to your energy body of like not good enough right? And you’re stabbing I was stabbing myself every time I looked in the mirror and that creates disease in the body and that’s why I think this is such an important part of the the conscious cleanse as well is like looking at how we’re treating ourselves. Because that is literally creating disease or ease in your body and so so so valuable and so important to start with the mirror mirror work like even the exercise of like I love you 10 times in the morning looking into your eyes I love you I love you I love you 10 times first thing in the morning how have you ever done that? It’s wild when you do it. There’s a lot of resistance comes out oh yeah you’re on like a simple thing to do and it’s actually very very confronting.

Erin Warner: Yeah because you’re going to go yeah but I don’t like that and no no no I love you you got eight more and you had to really hone in on that what you love. Yeah I agree that it is um it’s a practice to rewrite the way you talk to yourself and first of all I want to go back to yeah we hone in on the negative and it is sort of it’s probably biological and cultural. But studies show in social sciences that the brain receives one negative comment with five times the weight of a positive comment.

Dr. Nikki: Wow.

Erin Warner: So if you want to be really rational and like an engineer about it like you need to have like five or six positive things said to you by yourself or by others to feel the same as one negative comment.

Dr. Nikki: Wow. Yes. You hear that mama? I need five positive things… Yeah for every one negative.

Erin Warner: Yes.

Dr. Nikki: I get five negative things for every one positive.

Erin Warner: Reason it feels like… mhm. It might be because my brain’s actually tuning to the negative… yeah five times harder than what you’re hearing. Yeah because one-on-one is gonna feel like five on one if it’s the negative. And my background before I started doing this self-love and empowerment coaching my background is in corporate coaching, leadership, communication and motivation. So this is one thing we also teach to our corporate clients and managers and leaders to your team you need to be aware of this because this is like a scientifically proven phenomenon and if you you can choose to ignore it… nice. A lot of leaders are like well why should I have to give them six compliments? Like you don’t have to but we’re just telling you you’re gonna get a lot better response if you use this information and you know don’t invent positive things but there are positive things you just need to express them.

Dr. Nikki: You know you’re you’re tapping on something that’s very powerful because there my mom and I lead in very different ways right? She leads with an iron fist that old way of like you don’t give them compliments because you’re going to ruin the the employees and I’m like no the opposite. Like the more I shower my my employees of with compliments the more they’re like I want to do everything for you to support this business. I’ve I’ve they literally that’s the feedback I get.

Erin Warner: Mhm. Yes that’s much much more motivating.

Dr. Nikki: It’s motivating we don’t just work for a paycheck.

Erin Warner: Mhm yes we work for the feeling that they get.

Dr. Nikki: The feeling that we get to go when we go to work we’re part of we’re contributing to something that we’re growing together that’s what creates a beautiful synergy and it’s literally infused into our food right? When we’re like feeding people something that’s made with love… yeah very different than like you’re here you better earn the the money you’re making yes an energy vibration that yeah in that food.

Erin Warner: Yeah absolutely and it’s a much more effective leadership approach and it’s a much more effective way to bring out your best self if you choose to speak to yourself with that same wisdom that yes there’s a tuning in the human mind like we are looking for danger and that kind of thing to protect ourselves so we do tune to the negative out of protection… right. And we get to then realize okay I don’t need to do that I am safe and actually I can name and own and claim and celebrate all the good things about my body like the way these feet have taken me so many miles and to so many beautiful parts of this planet and to parties with friends and my arms have hugged people and you know all the wonderful things that our body does… right. It’s the sensory experiences that it allows us to have right? And celebrate and appreciate that and just give thanks for this vessel that we’re blessed with right.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah know. Yeah and a give that a go a little deeper with when it comes to someone that’s actually in a leadership position that’s maybe struggling with like giving six compliments like it sounds so simple but help them navigate that.

Erin Warner: Well I think the thing is they feel sometimes like either they shouldn’t have to or that it’s fake. And so I’d like to address both of those… yeah. One again like no you don’t have to I’m not here to tell you you have to but if you want different results I’m giving you this information that will help you get better results from your team like they are much more motivated, engaged, they want to um make those things true. If you give them compliments they are like okay I want to live up to that reputation that you’re giving me. So I’m never here to tell you you have to but if you’re if you’re looking for new results try something new and different and then see if it works for you. And the other thing is it’s not insincere or fake because we are tuned to negative sometimes we just think there are no positives but that’s just mental hygiene like you get to now start being more conscious of your own mental filter if you’re a leader and you’re only seeing the negatives is that really true? And generally it’s not because I mean the business is still running it’s not falling apart it’s not on fire like you know so a lot of things have had to go right for that to be true.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah. So are you is would they then identify the person’s uh like effectiveness or like are there certain things that the leader can identify that will really land for the person like character-based?

Erin Warner: Mhm mhm. Well there are so you want to praise the behaviors that you want to see more of… right. So you can come at it from that point of view or yeah you can try to get to know the people on your team as real human beings and understand like different people are motivated by different things. Right. Um there’s three big ones that are autonomy belonging and competence and usually we’re all motivated by all three and we’re most motivated by the one that’s most absent or lacking. So if you’ve been like really really controlling and they have no autonomy um you can praise them for when they’ve taken initiative and like done something independent without you having to spell it out for them right? You want to see more of that… yes in them. Love that. Or if you know like you talked about the members of your team who are here in the kitchen preparing the food and they feel like part of a mission like we’re spreading health and vitality here in the community with our customers and if that mission for them is very motivating then you want to praise them on that kind of thing. Beautiful. Love that. What’s the third? Competence. Yes. So people want to acquire new competence and they also want to be able to display it in front of people who they respect. Right. And a classic example is kids at school when they get to draw something and then when they get home they’re like look Mom Dad like look at my drawing like put it on the fridge you know like I’m so proud… yeah. And you want to display to you know your caregivers or parents when you’re a kid but we’re the same yeah as adults so we want to learn and grow and like develop new skills that we’re proud of but we also want to be able to show them to people. So you can like feature people on your team who have acquired new skills or you can get them to mentor people who are newer that’s another way they can display their competence and feel proud feel recognized by you and also they get to share that so that’s a way competence… oh I love that of motivating. I like that the the teaching a newbie. Yeah. Like yeah that is empowering and for some people that’s extremely motivating.

Dr. Nikki: It’s so funny I’m driven by the first one because I I drive my my staff to like be empowered on their own. Like always I’m like thank you for taking that initiative I love that I don’t have to ride you for anything you know like… yeah I love that yeah. Because I want to empower that’s the whole my opinion of a leader like is to to put people in the positions that they’re good at and then and then give them the power to actually do that job really well… yes yeah tell them what you need but leave the how into them. Exactly. And then personally I’m empowered by the the approval like look at me look what I did and you’re like good girl you know I want that external validation yeah like a 47 year old woman it’s so funny. And um yeah but and I don’t even remember the second one… belonging belonging so that’s so innate to me I don’t need it yeah mhm yeah. Maybe so maybe so. Wild.

Erin Warner: But I know about you that autonomy is very important I remember one time we were together and there was a question about the job I can’t remember the job that it would be perfect for you and you’re like no I gotta have my own business I’m very independent… yeah yeah. so that’s like to you at least based on that conversation I I associate that with you as autonomy being a core value for you.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah. I value that. I want the trust. I want the assignment with the trust… mhm. That I can accomplish it… yeah. right? And then leave me alone. So don’t want micromanaging um and that’s how I I treat my people because I want that… yeah the that spaciousness to really grow and and take ownership.

Erin Warner: Yeah but as a leader it’s important for me to not just operate how I want right? exactly you gotta find out what what motivates your clients your people. Exactly and so those are three just broad categories but that gives you a starting point to kind of see which one is most important to them in either just in general or in that moment. Like for me it’s belonging and competence those are my two favorites. But I do know if I’m under someone’s thumb and I don’t have autonomy I I don’t like that either. So sometimes it’s just the one that’s most missing that person is craving.

Dr. Nikki: Love it. Oh I love that. Okay I want to make the link between self-love and empowerment because you you support your clients in doing this… yes. and what does that mean to you? How how is self-love actually the most empowering thing you can do?

Erin Warner: Absolutely so yeah I claim this word self-love and with the knowledge that some people are like nah that’s just fluffy there’s nothing there and so I was like I can see why they think that and so how can I address that because I don’t agree that’s not been my experience and so for me it was like once you start to have self-love there’s a few things that self-love means to me one it means expressing yourself, expressing your feelings, also though your needs and your desires and making requests of people. Also expressing your boundaries like this is just not aligned for me or that’s not going to work for me. So expressing yourself is very empowering… mhm. because you’re not making people read your mind you are advocating for yourself and then the beautiful thing is you get new data because before earlier in my journey I didn’t express myself because I had stories and I had fear. I had fear that if I made this request or had this boundary that I would be rejected or abandoned or something like that. Right. And so empowerment in the way I help my clients is I challenge them lovingly to make new choices micro small low risk choices but they feel high risk because of that story that you have but in small ways start to express yourself and see if that story was true. And like 99.9% of the time it’s not true you don’t get rejected or abandoned… right. and so you get to rewrite that fear and that’s empowerment that’s empowerment.

Dr. Nikki: One of the things I teach in the conscious cleanse is tuning in and asking your body for a yes right? That is the key and we outsource all of our wisdom even to doctors or right it’s like don’t take my advice tune into your body is this right for me? mhm mhm like that sentence asking you know this is not medical advice don’t take my advice. Don’t take any of my advice I want you to tune in is this right for me and and the way to do that is you take deep breaths and you tune into your torso especially like kind of your stomach area and you can say like okay is this coffee good for me and you’ll get a very clear yes or no. A yes feels light and airy a no is generally crunchy kind of like a you had a poop or something that just feels like dense energy almost and you can play with this play with different things that you know are good or bad for your body right and see and so you start to get really aware of what your body’s signals yes. because yes or no might be different for different people right? Right right. And then tune in with every decision I had a client last week that came in and that was her assignment for the week because she’s super heady super logical mhm everything’s got to be a logical based decision right has like your job literally is to tune in. Yes. And she got put through the ringer with breast cancer which I don’t actually think she had. Oh my gosh. Side note but she went through chemo radiation all these torturous things… and I strongly believe she didn’t tune into her body. And had she and that was the whole journey that was the purpose of it. Learn how to tune into your body because the she came out going yeah I didn’t that wasn’t right. mhm. That wasn’t right that wasn’t right for me but I didn’t listen to my body I listened out I outsourced she got the diagnosis and like boom boom boom they oh yeah you lined up experts and you just now you’re in the program yeah yeah yeah. I’m not again not medical advice right do what you feels right for you… right. but tune in if you’re getting a no in your body it’s your if you really love yourself mhm right you’ll actually honor that right and you’ll speak your truth exactly. That’s an empowered human that loves themselves.

Erin Warner: Right and if you’ve done that and built that muscle and that self-trust with these like micro things and just learning to express yourself in the day-to-day then when the big high stakes things happen you are more prepared and more resourced for that. But yes definitely um I trust my inner knowing is one of the mantras that I work with and that I gift to the people that I work with but the way you learn to trust your inner knowing is by taking small risks and like expressing yourself and seeing how that works and then learning yeah you know what are the yeses and the nos in my body by pushing those edges gently. Yeah beautiful I love that. And also when you express yourself and you don’t people don’t have to read your mind first of all and then so many times people actually want to fulfill your need or your request and like you’ve helped them by making it very very clear what it is and they’re like I’m happy to do that that’s wonderful and it’s like whoa really I had this power all this time and I didn’t know it? Yeah. Then on the other hand sometimes it’s like well they’re not really a full yes to whatever you said but there can be a negotiation. They’re like well I can’t do that but I can do this and then that’s a beautiful co-creation with that person and then sometimes they’re like uh no like your boundary is not good for me like I don’t agree with it or whatever and or there could worst case scenario in my fear story that I have there could be rejection or abandonment potentially right and that’s not ever easy but that’s also good information if that person doesn’t respect your boundaries or they’re not aligned with it for whatever reason… so it is a little bit painful but I know from experience and I think other people maybe have too you push the can down the road you keep pushing down your boundaries just to get along and go along but eventually there’s a there’s a rupture. Right maybe a year or two years later but that’s just in a sense wasted energy when you weren’t being true to yourself and then when you finally are the rupture happens later instead of now.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah and it happens in some other way because you’ve built up all this resentment over something that haven’t expressed yourself and then all of a sudden the tea isn’t hot enough and you’re like exploding daddy what he said. Yeah that’s not fair to yourself but not you to the other person because they maybe thought you were fine with whatever the context was you know if you didn’t speak up. So I really encourage people to just speak up now and like not be extremely attached to the response that you get just take it all as information. And also very important is how you express yourself. Yes. So there isn’t an attack this isn’t uh you did this and that you just my trick now is I am noticing. I when I experience you do this I am noticing that I’m creating a story that you don’t care about me right? mhm yeah. And so I’m inviting the other person in to help me navigate what’s coming up versus attacking and I this actually came to me from this couple that I admire so much Gerald and and Myra Rose they have been together for I think over a decade every year they married get married right? they’re one of those couples that are just like stupid in love still um in a beautiful way I love it and and I was like all right uh Gerald tell me what the secret is like give me the juju. He goes okay well Myra Rose when she is in a disagreement with me or something that I’m doing that’s just use something like taking out the trash I haven’t taken out the trash and she’s upset about it um instead of coming to me and being like you didn’t take out the trash again you know which feels very attacky and I can’t get anything right as a guy you know trigger triggers all the childhood wounds she instead comes to me with um so when you don’t take out the trash Gerald I feel I don’t feel like a queen in my home and I feel like you’re not honoring me and I I feel like I have to do all these extra things and I’m noticing that I’m creating a story that you don’t honor me is that so I I can you help me navigate something is how she starts the conversation. Beautiful. She invites him in to be this like support system and now they’re navigating it together and now he’s so much more inspired take out the trash.

Erin Warner: Yeah all of a sudden you two are on the same team trying to resolve you know a situation instead of we’re on opposite teams and one of us is going to be right and one of us is going to be wrong.

Dr. Nikki: I I literally had this example with the perfect perfect example of a client the other day. She uh kind of was ghosting she wasn’t replying right and she just um she was supposed to tune in check in and I checked in she didn’t answer so I checked in again didn’t answer and I was like okay. So I just sent her a text message and I said I um am noticing uh that you’re not replying to my messages and I’m starting to create a story that you’re uh avoiding me. mhm. That’s all I said. And she right away called me and go oh no no no don’t go down that track that’s not what it is she’s like I have had a hell of a week at work she gave me the whole explanation she’s like I should have replied and and so I own that and that thank you for bringing you know mhm acknowledging but it wasn’t avoidance it wasn’t avoidance and just by me calling that out I am creating a story about what is happening because that’s what we do we fill in the blank yeah with information story-making creatures absolutely yeah yeah so when there’s missing information our brains are designed like oh we well we’ll fill in there that makes perfect perfectly normal story based on our past traumas I’m being abandoned. That’s beautiful and so you reached out to her you didn’t accuse right yes you invited and and right away I got the response I want yeah by inviting by inviting the the person into navigating what’s coming up.

Erin Warner: Yeah and you didn’t avoid or shut down either you initiated right.

Dr. Nikki: Right and it’s the the the hack is really identifying the story. mhm. So the reality is she’s not replying or she didn’t answer the phone that’s the reality fact right she didn’t answer the phone no emotion around that fact there could be many reasons behind that right. I I always say we create our own suffering because of these stories. The fact that she’s avoiding me is now a story I’ve created that then creates suffering in my body like she doesn’t value my wisdom she’s not answering the call because she doesn’t want like you know I can go down a rabbit hole with that story if I wanted mhm none of it’s true.

Erin Warner: Right and it’s interesting most the story in this example is very self-referential it’s all about me me me the reason why she’s not responding must have something to do with me and then in this case it had nothing to do with you had to do with like what she was dealing with in her world and her work and her mans and her bandwidth at that time and she was probably just taking care of herself. Yeah. And then like you get to learn that it really you know we think everything is about us and we’re it’s not.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah. This is part of the the suffering that we get to alleviate for ourselves when we start making those shifts and start identifying the stories right that lead to the suffering yeah separate and then get to back to a place of self-love like what do I need in this moment I need to express my truth yes so like you know this is this behavior isn’t working for me.

Erin Warner: Yeah yeah. So one thing that my offering the way I approach self-love and so the people who I think resonate with me have this in common is I’m a very word oriented I really believe in the power of words… mhm. especially the words that we use to speak to ourselves every day but I really like to think about it as like words are literally magic spells that we use every day to create our reality like they are that powerful yeah. It’s just we don’t see that they are like magic like spells. And so people who want to work with me I think resonate with the power of words. Yeah. And then the science is that actually we humans have like thousands of thoughts every day right so many so many thoughts that are not most of them are not consciously chosen most of them are just repetitive unconscious they’ve been gotten into a groove a deep deep groove and a lot of them are negative. So if they’re negative and repetitive mhm then they become very very powerful. But the beautiful thing is because they’re repetitive if you can just substitute a positive one in there that becomes the repetitive and the default and the automatic. So I work with people to identify their negative self-talk then rewrite it so we’re very word we’re very word playing with words finding just the ones that resonate with you you know because that’s where the juice is like when it’s like that’s the right word and then to say them to yourselves in the times when your brain is more receptive to new input which is that liminal space between waking and sleeping. So a similar the brain waves are similar to like a hypnotic state in that moment so really before you go to sleep you lay down in bed you’re in the dark your phone is away it’s just you you and your thoughts. That’s a time to repeat to yourself those I call them mantras or just your new self-loving beliefs your self-talk repeat them to yourselves then. And then also in the morning when you wake up before you turn on the light before you grab your phone you’re still like a little dozy your brain is receptive say it to yourself then. And it is work and that’s why you need to be motivated I believe to do this and have some devotion. You already are building you have some self-love if you’re willing to do this work you already love yourself and you’re just wanting to deepen that.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah can you give us your mantras in the morning and the night?

Erin Warner: I would love to and again these are yeah very custom and personal to me and these are very fundamental just basic ones. So anyways they are I create my own reality, mhm. I treat myself as well as I treat others, I speak out loud my needs desires and preferences… yeah. I speak and uphold my boundaries, I don’t seek or cling to validation… ooh. I act and behave in accordance with my values and how other people feel about that is not my responsibility… wow. and two more I trust my inner knowing and I am unique and special and not like anybody else it’s okay to be fabulous it’s okay to be adored it’s okay to be the center of attention.

Dr. Nikki: Oh my God I love it! The best way to wake up ever! This is yes yes yes and those are all things that have been edges for me that I needed to tell myself and then act on and then take action and like if that’s true what does that look like?

Erin Warner: Can you send the last one? Love this one. I am unique and special and unlike anybody else it’s okay to be fabulous it’s okay to be adored it’s okay to be the center of attention. mmm let that land. Wow. Yeah because I used to A hate being the center of attention but B because I had this story that it was hurting somebody else that it was like taking away from them and um that was a hard one and that comes from sisterhood wound and like you know feeling that I needed to always cede attention to my sister and that it would hurt her if I was receiving attention.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah wow.

Erin Warner: Yeah but then and that’s so honestly a big edge for me still when I’m growing into. Um but yeah just learning that it’s okay to take up space and receive and if someone’s drawn to give you attention or if someone wants to give you a platform like today to be able to speak and share my message like that is a blessing and like I’m worthy of that and it’s not hurting anybody. So yeah that’s what that one is about. It’s a tender one for me that one.

Dr. Nikki: That’s really good. Wow oh Erin thank you thank you thank you. Are there any final thoughts that we could bless this beautiful audience with that you’d like to show?

Erin Warner: Well I would like to share that worthiness is what so much of this work comes down to I find that to be the common thread in people I work with and that’s just such a deep deep one and while I love words they do have limitations and worthiness is one of those cases where like the word doesn’t like quite capture it I think because it feels transactional like I’m worthy of X if I do Y and like it’s like okay but if I don’t have that then I must not be worthy I didn’t earn it and worthiness is not in this context is not about earning it’s about this inherent thing. So actually I do have a mantra for that and I’ll I’ll lead that as my final offering. So the mantra that is helping me and some of my clients with worthiness is my unique existence is worthy of being fully expressed. I mean the it’s a miracle so improbable of my existence in the first place so who am I with my ego and my fears to get in the way of that? So I’m the custodian of this unique essence that miraculously came into existence and it is inherently worthy of just being fully expressed. And so now I as the vessel and the ego carrying it get to choose whether I’m going to let it express or not but it is worthy of just expressing whatever that is that you’re here.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah of course you’re worthy. It’s true right it’s a funny thing that we don’t grasp right away. But like there isn’t a single other person on the planet like you… mhm. with every right or left turn you have made has created a different version of you… mhm mhm. yeah every single you’re like a collection of not only everything you’ve experienced in your lifetime here but everything your ancestors did and and their past lives and all the different contributions to your magical formation… mmm. like how dare we block what wants to be expressed. Yes exactly. This is the juice of being alive is expression right and of our unique expression and imprints on this planet.

Erin Warner: Yeah yeah and so then my two corollaries to that are then if my if existence is worthy of expressing then that means my voice is worthy of expressing and my dreams are worthy of pursuing and it’s the pursuit of the dream that is the embodiment of the worthiness again it’s not so much attachment to the outcome but I do believe if you continuously pursue your dreams good things are going to come. Yeah. But if you hold yourself back out of fear fear of failure then those thing you don’t give space for those things to happen. But if you just pursue your dreams because they’re just worthy of being pursued you know no matter how like unique or odd or or ambitious or or micro they are like it’s just this like connection with your unique essence to pursue your dream and then just get out of the way and see what happens.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah yeah. It’s such a simple formula for me it’s follow your bliss. What lights you up? What what are you curious about? What do you want to learn? Where right? What do you want to explore and right and go deep down that rabbit hole and then it leads you to the next thing. Right it doesn’t have to be this like light like kids get out of college they’re like what am I gonna pick for the rest of my life? You’re like probably not going to be the reality anymore yeah most people don’t have jobs for 50 years anymore yeah what what’s what are you what are you excited curious about right now mhm mhm and then go and go follow it follow the intuition. Yes. That’s another thing I have my clients do all the time or should we do the same like just tune in and and my favorite question is how um show me how I can support today. Show me how who I can love today. And it was taught to me once that if you I believe I have two angels they’re in top right corner of my top left corner of my my visual when I close my eyes. And um I was told that um angels can’t intervene they need to be given an assignment. So I give my angels an assignment in the morning sometimes and I was like all right show me who needs to be loved today. Oh. And it’s shocking how quickly I’ll hear call Erin. Oh. Right? or I get a ding and I right I get a text message that person need to be called to beloved today. So go through your angels are listening literally it’s that thank you for the demo right literally that fast. I’ll get a thing this one needs support. mhm. It’s it’s mind-blowing especially after a cleanse by the way when I clean my body and it’s I become this cleaning clean tuning fork it is instant the wisdom comes through and I become this really clear channel to get the guidance to hear the intuition to tune into my body get a clear signal. Um and and yeah I get to like shower someone with love. Beautiful.

Erin Warner: By the way random side note but um see how it says self self-love makes you shine brighter it’s actually a tattoo on my body. Wow! There speaking to the the OG of self-love yes you! That was one of my that’s uh this is one of my main lessons in life. Amazing. Yeah. Beautiful. I want to just say one more thing about self-love. Yeah yeah tell me. Which I want to say that it’s for everybody which by that I mean men and women. Yes. I think it’s coded a little bit for women right. and there’s probably a reason for that that made sense at the time. Um and I also just want to reclaim it for men that men are equally deserving and needing of self-love. And I love that when I started my program of coaching my first five clients were all men. Yeah. And that wasn’t by design that’s just what happened and I absolutely love that and so I just want to say that men are welcome in my program or wherever they feel called to build self-love and it only makes the whole world a better place like they deserve it just period full stop and it will make the lives of the women in their lives only better as well.

Dr. Nikki: In what area are men lacking in the self-love department?

Erin Warner: So I think well worthiness is the one that it always comes down to based on achievement not having achieved… exactly they’re defined by achievement. Yeah so I really work with people who are very um who are ambitious and then one of two things happens either they’ve already accomplished a lot and yet they don’t feel the satisfaction and fulfillment they thought they would feel so they keep chasing they keep chasing they keep chasing and what’s missing is that self-love and that worthiness… got it. so they’re already very accomplished but they’re like I don’t feel the way I thought I would. Yeah. Or there’s people who are ambitious but they haven’t yet um unleashed their gifts into the world they’re holding themselves back they’re afraid of failure they’re afraid of trying or afraid of showing themselves. So they are not believing that they’re worthy of pursuing their dream regardless of the outcome. So they they have in common that they’re ambitious they have goals they want to do something and there’s the ones who have done it and they’re like ah why is this not enough and then the ones who are like I’m scared to even try so that what they have in common.

Dr. Nikki: And is the the next step in that journey of your your coaching with them is kind of to see that story and how it’s untrue and shift the unworthiness?

Erin Warner: Yes absolutely absolutely. And so I start with the self-talk because that is what worked for me like I’m very much really guiding people I’m offering them what worked for me. And then the next step is like once we get the self-talk going and the mantras and the new decisions and the new stories right the next step is really okay now how are you going to own this? And I compare it to working out at the gym at least for me like I love working out but if I do the same routine for like a year or two then maybe I’m like kind of bored with that but I’m not going to stop working out right I’m just going to find a new way to do it. And so the mantras will get you so far and I think they’re a really great place to start and then what I’m really excited about is then for them to co-create okay now what’s the next step how do I keep self-love alive for me and it could oh there’s so many different modalities out there right that resonate with different people somatics and hypnosis and all kind of breath work and all kind of things.

Dr. Nikki: What I’m not hearing you say and I’m curious about is um do you need to go back into like the childhood trauma that originally you know formed this this sense or a story that you’re not good enough or can can does that need to be addressed or have you seen results with just choosing a different story moving forward?

Erin Warner: Mmm. I think it’s helpful to have some self-awareness and understand where these beliefs came from. Yeah. And I honestly I do tell people like I believe in talk therapy a lot it definitely helped me a lot and um I’m not a therapist and I don’t think I’m a substitute for therapy so if someone wanted to really go deep into inner child work I would certainly support it and I don’t think I would be the provider for it I would tell them like for me I did self I did therapy and then all these other modalities in parallel right and that is my recommendation to people to do different modalities in parallel and yeah inner child work is huge for sure. Yeah.

Dr. Nikki: I’m big on the somatic work like mentioned. Yeah. And that’s getting it out of your body right these energies and these uh unprocessed emotions get locked in the body especially if you’re told not to cry man up right right. And so you’re taught actually to disregard your emotions um and to not express them and so these modalities like breath work like um breath work’s my favorite holotropic breath work where you really get the the opportunity to yell yeah in a in a powerful way yeah uh a rage ceremony or you can pound the pillows or pound your chest and just wail. Yeah. It’s powerful. Yeah. It’s really powerful if you’re if you’re in a like space where you can’t like just start yelling and you’re you know you’re in an apartment building or whatever then a pillow. You can scream like a dying ter- pterodactyl in a pillow ever so you really can and nobody can hear it and it works. I mean I’ve I’ve gotten that rage out of my body and it’s like it’s depleting at first and then you’re like oh God I’m so light. Yeah you feel so much lighter.

Erin Warner: Yeah for rage ceremonies if anyone’s interested for me I don’t like the yelling so much it just like I feel like it strains my voice and it doesn’t feel as good but I love pounding my chest or like the ground just either laying down on my stomach like this or on my back either way but yeah.

Dr. Nikki: Oh that’s so funny. So I’ve done the pounding and it was therapeutic where for me the the screaming is better and I and I growl is my new technique so like when I was going through a really rough time of the last two years I um would walk on the the trail and sometimes there’d be stretches where there’s no one there and I’d just go [growls] so it wouldn’t be a yell but I [growls] you know and get it out in this like really ferocious I didn’t even do it full voice but like you know so it wasn’t a yell but it was still the energy was able to get out. Yeah that’s a good one. It was interesting and then my voice wasn’t destroyed. Yes yeah.

Erin Warner: Value of just little nuggets there’s other ways to express the rage and get it out so there’s you know it’s your exploration to see and honor yourself like yeah I felt like oh I’m doing this wrong or I’m this isn’t for me because I don’t love the yelling everyone else is yelling but you know that’s not that’s a story like no let me just be curious and find the way for me to move this through. Exactly. Without like being performative and feeling like I have to do it the way everyone else does.

Dr. Nikki: Yeah. Yeah. Um last final point I really actually want to touch on we’re getting close to our end time but um when it comes to men and and expressing because I feel like there is a because they’ve been told to man up right and not express themselves. Um what do they need to hear and or what the how can women support men in expressing themselves better?

Erin Warner: Wow that’s a really good question. I think um I’ll just speak for what works for me and that is really gosh just I think partly is seeing their inner child and knowing that they are carrying a lot from all the things that they received as a child and then also the pressure that the society puts on men to perform in a certain way that doesn’t give them space to mess up or to be emotional. So I don’t know I try to be just tender and I think maybe that’s one reason why men are comfortable working with me but it’s hard when you’re in a partnership because you’re like okay yeah I can be tender but I also need my partner to be strong and be things and so I think um I don’t know maybe I honestly Nikki that’s a hard one.

Dr. Nikki: No I I think it boils down to creating a safe space. Especially for your partner like creating a safe space that it’s okay that we’re in this phase and that the woman actually strongly believes in the the man’s potential to like get us through it or we work together as a team but like um not hiding when things are not going really well because they they need to like be in this performative role of like the provider and always have everything their shit together. And I think it’s a matter of creating a safe space really. Yeah. And that the the the man really knows that they will not be like defamed or that right their their credibility will still remain intact. Right. They’re so masculine… they’re still masculine. Yeah. And yeah I think it is a question of balance and then actually going back to beginning of our conversation like the number of negative and the number positive comments so like I think it’s very important to praise the person in your life and it’s really not even a gendered thing but like the men in in my personal relationship like my words carry so much more weight than I realized at the beginning. I didn’t realize every little to me not very heavy negative comment like he really cares about my opinion yeah right? He cares my words are are very powerful to him. So to just be aware of that and do praise the things that are wonderful that he’s doing and that I think makes space to also then have the more tender conversations where you want to call him forth to his higher self yeah and not scold… essentially. Yeah.

Dr. Nikki: It brings me back to um Hormozi’s you know Alex Hormozi’s wife Leila I think her name yeah. Um she at one point they were she said um I would live with you under a bridge if I had to because they ran out completely like went to zero financially that literally gave him just the the foundation the like belief that he could and they like took off they like made a million the next week or something right but it was just like she created such a level of like I’m not going anywhere no matter what because I believe in you mhm and he was able to take off.

Erin Warner: Yeah that’s such an iconic part of their story. Right yeah the foundation the bedrock right you don’t have to have fear of abandonment… right. Huge. Yeah.

Dr. Nikki: Can you create that for yourself and then for your partner um and even for your team right if you’re leading your staff right like it’s okay if you’re having an off day if it’s okay if like you know you can’t show up to work today like sometimes yeah we’ve had that like we’ve had family issues and they had to take their kids to the hospital or it’s like we’re still here with you. Yeah. We get that life work happens. If this is a pattern mhm exactly then we have some talking but even if it is a pattern and you want to have a difficult conversation then you rent have the difficult conversation either that formula you gave about you know the story that I’m creating is that you’re not reliable or you’re not committed right invite them into that conversation call them forth to be the better version yeah of themselves. Exactly. Yeah. Ah! Oh I’m so grateful for you!

Erin Warner: Oh Nikki I’m so grateful for you! I’m so inspired by the leadership you are doing in our community with your business here with Conscious Kitchen. Thank you. and with Conscious Kitchen Radio! Yay! You’re such a beacon and thank you for letting me be part of it so grateful.

Dr. Nikki: It’s an honor and a blessing to have you in my life thank you. Yay. We’ll put all the ways that people can find you in the show notes um is there any specific program or anything coming up that you want to quickly tap on?

Erin Warner: Yeah well starting in the new year in 2026 I’ll be doing the self-love and empowerment program it’s an eight-week program and it takes you through the inner work is the first half of it and then because I am very practical and I believe in action the second half of it is where we do take those new micro experiments in the world to like rewrite the stories and get real data about how this self-love really impacts your reality and so that’s going to be starting in January.

Dr. Nikki: Perfect. Yay. All right you guys thank you so much for tuning in we’ll see you on the next one!